Highlights of My Week

Highlights of My Week

*Seeing the clouds and the land from a plane window. It was so beautiful and inspiring.

*Learning different skills that will make me a better trainer, but will also help me in my personal life. It taught me how to better confrontation (which I avoid in my personal life if at all possible and is unhealthy for myself). It taught me how to think about the framing of how I say things and how to be more effective when having conversations with people, and not just difficult ones.

*Matt imitating what getting slapped in the face with a horse’s dick would look like. I laughed so hard I was crying. Just so you know, he has never been slapped in the face with a horse’s dick, but it was a fun joke throughout the week.

*Going shopping with Jami, buying myself a new dress that was expensive (to me), and not feeling guilty about it. I love buying presents for others, but always feel bad when I buy something for myself. I always think the money could have been put to better use. I’m not sure why I feel that way, but I didn’t this time, which was nice. I also bought souveniors for my little guy and Nelson.

*Having quiet time. At first I hated it, but as the week went on I grew to appreciate it.


*Realizing I am going to be facing a lot of challenges this tax season l, management has several things planned for me, and they will all help me grow as an employee and as a person.

*Meeting a ton of people I’ve worked with for years face to face.

*Meeting new people.

*Having the best steak I’ve ever had in my life.

*Getting one of the biggest compliments I’ve ever gotten. I didn’t get to interact much with this person, but I spoke out in class, cracked jokes, and laughed a lot. He said that I am the most authetic person he has ever met. I’m open, honest, and not afraid of someone not liking who I am, which only makes people like me more. He said he would take that and be himself while training people. Just by being myself was helpful to someone else. I love helping people, I’m very passionate about it, so it made me feel good that I had helped someone.

*Getting to spend time with my co-workers. We aren’t just co-workers though. We are more like a family. It was great spending time with them.

*Landing in Richmond, knowing I would be home soon.

*Walking through the front door of my house.

*Seeing Nelson and giving him the boots I bought him. Watching his face light up, seeing him in awe, and his smile always knocks me out.

*Seeing my dog, Rusty.

*Sleeping better than I have all week. I slept until 10:30. I slept in again today until 10:30 too.

*Activities followed by a wonderful nap. It was two hours, I must have needed the extra sleep.

*Playing Minecraft with Nelson.

*Watching a documentary about boxing. I really enjoyed it, learned a lot about the sport itself, and a big life lesson. For those of you who have Netflix, it’s called The Champs, check it out.

*Watching The Walking Dead. I have yet to finish season 6 (silly, I know). I still have the season finale to watch and I’m looking forward to it, as well as, the new season coming up.

*Having several deep conversations with Nelson. The one we had about God this morning was extremely enlightening. I struggle with my faith, as I’m sure everyone does at some point, but that conversation really put things into perspective. It made me think of so much I hadn’t thought of before.

*Tomorrow I get to see my kiddo. I’ve missed him.

Those were the highlights of my week. What were yours? Feel free to comment on this post, send me a message, or post your own. If you do post your own either tag me in it or let me know. I’ll read each and every one of them. I’d love to see what your highlights were!

Highlights of My Week

Highlights of My Week

*The Bill Burr show. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. It was wonderful. Hearing Nelson laugh made me feel all warm and happy inside.

*Cuddling with my son on the couch.

*Having dinner made when I was having a bad pain day. Feeling supported, loved, and cared for.

*Watching N play Bioshock. It’s a cool game, though I don’t think I will play. It looks too confusing for me.

*Seeing my buddy this week. I miss seeing him every day, but things are better. I appreciate him more when I do get to see him.

*Unexpectedly seeing my bestie Brandy at work (her husband works there too), and getting to see her son. He is so darn cute and full of smiles.

*Burning the past and letting things go.

*A nice dinner (even though my pasta was way over cooked) and a kiss that felt like a first kiss, but wasn’t.

Those were the highlights of my week. What were yours?

I’m getting ready to board a plane to fly to Texas. I’ll be there for week for work. I’m nervous, but I’m excited too. It will be fun and I’m sure I’ll have lots of highlights.

Stay rad.


Highlights of My Week

Highlights of My Week

Here are the highlights of my week:

*Finding out that I’m going to Plano, Texas, for work. I get to stay in a fancy hotel for a week. All travel and expenses paid for. I’m so excited and also nervous about leaving home and flying. Thankfully, others for the office are traveling too, so I’ll be okay. I’ve never gone anywhere for work, so this is big for me. They have a pool,which is awesome. I haven’t gone swimming in years. I’m going to spend a lot of time in the pool, darn right.

*Getting a good shift (morning) for tax season. Knowing I won’t be on the phones a lot this year is also nice. I’ll be doing other things instead. I’ll be doing tag (tier two support, interviews, and floor walking- answering questions the new people have while walking around). I don’t mind talking to customers but a lot of the questions they ask I know the answer to immediately, so it’s not as challenging as it was once. Doing other things will be a nice and a welcome change. I’ve worked hard for it and things are turning around. A couple of months ago, I had one foot out the door, so I’m glad things are getting better.

*Not having to cook dinner a couple of times this week. It’s always nice to come home with dinner already made and I appreciate it very much. It makes me feel loved and cared about.

*Playing Minecraft for HOURS.

*Listening to N learn the bass line to Bulls on Parade by Rage Against the Machine. I suggested it, thought it would be a nice challenge.

*Rearranging the dining room table, again.

*I smiled at a stranger walking across the parking lot and he smiled back like I had made his day.

*I bought a bag of popcorn to support a boy scout troop. The young man that sold it to me was so polite and courteous. He helped me carry grocheries back to my car. He was so pleasant and friendly. He gave me hope for the youth. I do hope they earn enough money to go to the Virgin Islands.

*Rocking out to Queen and The White Stripes with my little man. He was head banging to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. That made me laugh, I started doing it, then remembered I was driving, so I stopped.

*Finishing all of the episodes of Attack on Titan. It was VERY good. I wish they would release more episodes.

*Built Finn and Jake’s house in Minecraft with my son. We had a blast.

*Started watching Breaking Bad. So far, I like it. It has made me laugh, get excited, and sad. I look forward to watching it again.

*Got all of my son’s back to school shopping done one day (two different stores). While it was stressful and felt like I had entered the realm of hell, I’m smiling because it’s over. I don’t have to do that again until next year. Yeah, I’ll have to purchase clothes and what not during the year, but it won’t be as bad.

Those are the highlights of my week. What were yours?

Highlights of My Week

Highlights of My Week

*Teaching a class. It was harder than I thought it would be but I got great feedback. The class understood some pretty hard topics I taught (everyone got the answers right on the knowledge check about it).

*I was wished a Happy Birthday by many, and celebrated it with a select few. I had flowers and a balloon brought to me at work from my besticle. An awesome headset for gaming and an owl mug I adore from Nelson (I broke the first one he got me. My hands don’t work sometimes). There are other gifts on their way from Nelson (more surprises, yay!). My Mom sent me a funny poem card with a gift card inside for Borders Book Store. I also had a lovely picture of an owl drawn for me by @sore-dake. That was such a sweet thing to do. For all of you who took the time to wish me a Happy Birthday, thank you!

*I went to a We Care and Give Back event for work. We are alloted time to do charity in our community, which is awesome. Last week I helped set up tables and chairs for an event a church was having to raise money for people with disabilities. This week I went to an elementary school. I helped paint and helped clean a rock climbing wall. I hurt after, but it felt good to do. This particular school doesn’t get much funding, so we helped get things done that wouldn’t have otherwise.

*Playing DMC.

*Having a conversation with my son’s father where he listened and understood that we need to work together when disciplining our son. I’ve struggled for years to get on the same page, only now he’s willing to listen and apply it.

*Getting rated Outstanding for the quarter at work. It’s the highest rating you can get. It’s hard to get outstanding. The last time I did was in 2011.

*Hanging out with my bestie Brandy. I’ve missed her so much. Just spending time with her was nice. I also did a little shoppinh, managing to score a single dress (after going to three different places), and some new stuff to wear to bed.

*Watching Ip Man 2. Oh my goodness, I threw a shoe from the excitement. That movie is action packed, has a great story line, and it’s just so damn wonderful!

*Doing laundry and crossing off something on my bucket list.

*Watching Nelson get his latest tattoo. The process still fascinates me, even though I’ve seen it done, and have plenty of my own. I talked to the woman that does my tattoos about the next one I want. Two, maybe three sessions, but it will be amazing I’m sure, annnddd the biggest and most expensive tattoo I have.

*Having a really delicous dinner at Citizen Burger Bar. Never been there before and it was excellent.

*Teaching Nelson to skateboard. He learns quick. I miss skating, wish I still could, but watching him and teaching was almost just as fun as skating.

*Playing Borderlands.

Those were the highlights of my week. What were yours?

The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect

Here we go, another soul revealing confession post. You ready? Good. I may not be, but I’m going through with it anyway.

Certain time periods and areas of my life are painful, and some fill me with shame, guilt, or anger. The worst of those being anger. Shame and guilt I can handle, anger is one of the emotions I especially dislike feeling, because I don’t know how to process it. I rarely feel it and if I do, it feels unnatural to me. I’m not an angry person, I don’t like unnecessary confrontation, but do have a backbone. I’ve started walking away, asking for time to think when I’m mad, but I still say things I don’t mean or that are misunderstood. Anyway, that isn’t the purpose of this post, I’ll get to that in a bit.

I have two conditions: Fibromyalgia (Fibro) and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS or RSD). Both are painful, but there is a difference in the kind of pain. The Fibro makes me tired and causes an aching feeling in my joints, and in my body overall. The pain is intermittent, it comes and goes, some days it’s bad, some days it’s not. Fibro is not curable, and can be controlled with pain medication, getting enough sleep, and staying active. The CRPS is also not curable, and I wasn’t diagnosed for two years, which made the treatments that may have sent it into remission worthless. CRPS is a progressive disease and can spread to other areas of the body, and into internal organs, which terrifies me. It is a constant pain, on some days it burns, on others it is sharp or dull, or it can be a steady throbbing in the affected areas. As a weird plus, I can tell when it’s going to rain or snow, and I’m more accurate than any meteorologist on the planet (99.9999998% of the time I’m right). I’ve had CRPS for over twenty years now and manage it as best as I can with medication.

There is one type of treatment I have not been able to explore, but it would require going to New York once every three months. Being a single mom, with very little financial help from my son’s father, seeking this treatment is not something I can do financially. Also, arranging for my son to stay with his father when it’s not his designated weekend is typically a long process. So, that’s out. I’ll stick to the low level narcotics I’ve been taking, and eventually bite the bullet, and ask for something stronger when I absolutely need it. Doctors have become cynical about giving out medication, and to be honest, I don’t like feeling doped up. Narcotic abuse has become a problem to the point that the people who NEED them aren’t able to get them, because of substance abuse. That’s another topic, though, and I’m straying from the intention of this post.

Any type of trauma can cause CRPS to spread. I’m not supposed to get a sunburn, get a bug bite, get tattoos, do anything that could cause me to injure myself, or to have children (I’ve done all of this anyway, because fuck that). I have it in my left arm, my left knee, and have recently started to feel it in my right knee. No one knows much about it. All they know is that the nerves are somehow broken and send pain signals to the brain for no reason. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed, but I always do. I have to, I push through how I’m feeling, and do what needs to be done. I got that from my mother, that woman used her shoulder even though it hurt for months, then she found out that the muscle used to lift your shoulder had detached itself from the bone. The doctor told her she shouldn’t be able to move or lift her shoulder, but they don’t know my mother. She’s a remarkable lady. Those close to me know when I am having a bad day, but most people I come into contact with on a daily basis don’t know that I have it at all. When I was first diagnosed I was open about it, but people reacted with pity, and if there is one thing that I hate more than being lied to, it’s being fucking pitied. I would rather not talk about it, than have to see that look in their eye that screams “You poor thing”. It pisses me off, and as discussed earlier I don’t like being angry or getting involved in unnecessary confrontation. In order to avoid all of that, I just don’t tell people. It works, but it’s also hiding a part of myself that has made me the way that I am. I hope that makes sense, it does to me.

People can be assholes too, though. Looking at me, you would never know there is something wrong. I limp when I walk sometimes, I may hold my left arm to my side when I walk on bad days, but other than that I look normal. I got yelled at by a man in a parking lot once for using my handicapped placard. He embarrassed the hell out of me all because I didn’t “look” handicapped. A complete stranger accused me of taking someone else’s placard because I was “lazy”. I know he felt like an ass when I showed him my ID card stating that I was disabled, but he didn’t apologize, he just walked away as fast as he could. That guy was a dick, and was so wrong to do that, but I cried when I got home anyway.

Now to get to the real reason I’m writing this all down. My birthday is coming up, I’ll be 34 in 20 days. I’ve been thinking about what my greatest accomplishment has been so far in my life. Living with pain has certainly been one and was the first thing I thought of, but it’s not my biggest accomplishment. My biggest one is raising my son. He has been the greatest gift I have ever received, and is the greatest gift I can give to the world. I think I’ve done a pretty good job of raising him. He is kind, compassionate, curious, has a love and acceptance of people I’ve never seen in a seven year old, a tremendously big heart, and a willingness to help others. My greatest achievement is him, and while I could list off other things, when it comes down to it, the impact he can have on others is the biggest contribution that I can make to the world. He can impact so many, and hopefully his children will do the same. One person can impact millions. Think about that. That’s the message I’m trying to pass on here. That’s why I’m writing this all down. Be kind to one another, you never know what another person is going through. Looking at me, you wouldn’t know that I’m in pain, but I am and I still try like hell to be kind and grateful for each and every day that I’m alive.

Smile at strangers. Make funny faces at babies in the checkout line. Buy someone’s lunch when you are ahead of them in the drive through. Hold the door open for someone. Write an unexpected note to someone you care about. Shoot, send someone a message on tumblr expressing things you like about them or something you’ve noticed about them. It doesn’t take much, just a small effort, and in doing so maybe that person will do the same thing for someone else. Do something nice for no reason, without expecting anything in return. The simplest things are often the most effective. Kindness is easy. Go do it. You never know how much you can impact the world just by doing one small thing.

Anyway, if you’ve read all of this, thank you. It’s hard to talk about this, but I felt the message of kindess is an important one, especially now. Go out and try it, you never know how many people’s lives you can change for the better.

For those interested you can donate to CRPS research by clicking here. Each year when asked what I want for my birthday I tell them to make a small donation to RSDS.org or to the SPCA. If you do so, I promise I’ll pay it forward in some way.

Stay rad.